How Many Ways


            By Tom Word


How many ways
Can a field trialer fudge
Bend or break rules
Thereby cause a grudge

How many ways
Can a trialer cheat
Go over the line
His rivals to beat

He can enter a veteran
In a derby stake
It’s done rather often
By many a rake

He can use a false birthdate
When enrolling a litter
A little transgression
That may leave rivals bitter

He can release extra birds
Just before his dog’s brace
But more often than not
They’ll flush in his face

He can ride off his bracemate
Send it lateral or deep
But often as not
It’s the sender who’ll weep

He can leave bracemate pointed
Where it might not be found
But five chances in six
The dog’s scout will ride around

He can hold out a slip
When he draws the stake
Insert it for a bad course
Or with a handler who’s a flake.

He can ride wild and holler
Whistle lots to distract
But that often backfires
Judge can always get you back

He can stage a paper trial
To get his dog qualified
But he can’t be sure
Co-conspirators won’t tell he lied

He can ride up bracemate’s birds
Then call point like a good sport
Cause an unproductive
But a sleeper brings a retort

He can run a decoy
That’s coming in heat
To confuse all the boy dogs
Make his other bitch hard to beat

He can hire extra scouts
To ride on the wing
Herd his errant dog back
Or lead a rival on a fling

He can enlist high tech
With a GPS button
In his dog’s collar
If for purses he’s a glutton

He can call his scout’s cellphone
Or vice-a-versa
But they better be on vibrate
Or he’ll end up a cusser

He can post lookout lads
High up in the trees
George Evans used to do it
During callbacks thick as fleas

He can give helpers trackers
They can message him by text
As to his dog’s whereabouts
Or where it’s headed next


These are a few
Of the ways he can cheat
If winning’s that important
And he can’t stand to be beat

Temptation rides a tall horse
In this game we weirdoes play
And there’s lots of rascals riding
On an average field-trial day

But the thing that keeps most honest
(At least most of the time)
Is the fear of exposure
Of his petty crime